Friday, August 14, 2009

Fridays can be scary.

Fridays can be scary.

Since I quit drinking almost two years ago, Fridays have adopted a different feeling than they used to hold. I still look forward to the end of a week of work, but there is also a little tickle of anxiety as I think about spending the night alone.

I say "alone" because, let's face it - My drinking friends just don't come calling on this nondrinker on Fridays anymore. This is fine. I somewhat enjoy the idea of winding down the work week in a quiet manner - Reading? Watching a movie? Going to the gym? Anything other than getting plastered in a bar.

Yet, I still want to feel that "freedom" of getting plastered like I used to on Fridays. I want to feel that total abandonment, that lack of control. I want to exercise bad judgment and wash all of the stress away by indulging... and that indulgence has become FOOD.

I don't WANT to devour an entire bag of pretzels with hummus and a pint of soy ice cream AFTER I've already eaten dinner. But I don't know how to stop. It has become a habit - one that I both love and hate.

How do I stop a binge when it's coming full speed ahead?

Wish me luck,
The VP

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